Friday, October 12, 2012

The end of an era.

Y'all, it's happened.  There is officially a generation of people that don't know what a "Zack Morris phone" is.

It's been a very long time since I've never have someone ask me, "Who's Zack Morris?"  This happened a couple months ago when we were sitting around playing board games with my niece and nephew, ages 16 and 17.  I mentioned a "Zack Morris phone", I don't even know what brought it up, and my nephew innocently asks the question, "Who's Zack Morris?"  And I lost it.  Not in a freaking out flipping tables over sort of way, but I was almost speechless.  I said, "Are you serious?"  And he just blankly stared at me.  So I thought maybe he didn't hear me right, so I said it again, then said, "Screech?  AC Slater?  Jessie Spano?  Kelly Kapowski?  Lisa Turtle?  You've got NOTHING??!?"  And he just shook his head.

My husband came to his defense and said it's probably normal for him to have zero idea what Saved By The Bell was.  Upon mentioning the name of the show my nephew says, "Oh yeah, I think I've heard of that."  Gah!  You think you've heard of that?  Saved By The Bell was the amazing Saturday morning show about "kids" that were in high school for what appeared to be 9 years.  That show was part of our generation.  Show some respect for the Slater pants, son.

I wanted to be Kelly Kapowski.  She was gorgeous, had fucking awesome hair, was a cheerleader, and had two way hot dudes (in questionable clothing, but still hot nonetheless) pining for her love.  I was always Team Zack.  Still am.

Taking a walk down memory lane, I decided to do some wiki-ing and googling, and find out where these "kids" are today.  I'll share what I found out:

Of course to start we have to go with this guy, Zack Morris.  Because omg (wait, that acronym didn't exist in the early 90s...) oh my god, he was the epitome of what every girl wanted their high school boyfriend to look like.  His love for Kelly was like no other, and everyone wanted to be his Kelly.  I love his new show, Franklin and Bash.  The Hubs and I watch it religiously.  His real name is Mark-Paul Gosselaar.  And ladies, he's still got it.  BAM!

Next up, Kelly Kapowski.  After SBTB she did Beverly Hills, 90210, and then it was all downhill for Ms. Kapowski.  I mean, she still looks good, but the only things on her filmography past 90210 seem to be Lifetime Made for TV Movies.  Real name:  Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.

Eye candy alert, here's AC Slater sans stone washed Slater pants!  Mario Lopez (real name) is pretty much irrelevant.  He now hosts shitty reality TV shows and at one point hosted the Miss America Pageant, I think.  But who gives a shit what he does, look at the guy.

Jessie Spano, "hot nerd" on SBTB, stripper in her post SBTB days.  Ok, she just played a stripper in a movie.  But we all know the difference between an on-screen stripper and a real one: two weeks.  Her real name is Elizabeth Berkley, and I bet she's still so excited and scared at the same time.

These last two former SBTBers have taken a turn for the worse, it seems.  First up, Lisa Turtle.  This chick, Lark Voorhies, hasn't done shit since playing the part of Lisa.  And what a craptastic part to have to play.  She was the token black chick with her only real love interest as the biggest geek in school, Screech.  I'd hide away in a cave too if that was the role I played for 7 years.  Oh yeah, and from the looks of it she got some questionable plastic surgery done.  I guess Saved By The Bell royalties can't pay for the good botox.

Lastly, Samuel "Screech" Powers.  Oh Screech.  How'd you get so scary?  So this little nerd basically went batshit crazy on the world.  According to Wikipedia he released a SEX TAPE in 2006.  Do you want to know the name of it?  Of course you do: "Screeched - Saved by the smell."  I can't make this shit up.  I wish I could.  Anywho, after that cinematic masterpiece he went on Celebrity Fit Club because the man apparently loved food more than himself after his sex tape only sold two copies. [That's an approximation of sales.]  And everyone on the show with him hated his ass, because he was a big jerkface.  Then he went on a celebrity championship wrestling show hosted by Hulk Hogan.  And that's it.  Holy balls, do kids these days know who Hulk Hogan is?  Anyway, here is the crazy dude, real name: Dustin Diamond.

In closing, this post took a turn that I didn't intend for it to take.  Happy Friday, y'all.

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